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Parrot,,,<(:)> A man owned a very horny parrot that each time he brings a girl home, the parrot would whistle and make noises. The man decided to take the parrot to a vet to find a cure for him, the vet said: Well, I have a female parrot here, and I am willing to let your parrot sleep with her for 20 pounds The man thought was a bit too much, but the vet convinced him, so he let the parrot inside the cage with the female parrot and put a blanket on the cage for privacy. Two minutes passed and they heard this bangs and loud noises, the vet ran frantically to the cage to see what happened only to see the parrot standing on the female parrot plucking her feathers and shouting: For 20 pounds I want you naked, do you hear NAKED!!!! |
| Lady to a priest Lady to a priest: Father, I have two female parrots which keep embarrassing me, every time they see someone they say:Hello we are two prostitutes, would you like to have fun!! Priest: Holy God now this is a problem, I tell you what, I have two male parrots who I have been taking care of for a long time and they do nothing but worshipping all the time, so why don't you bring your two parrots and I can put them with my parrots in one cage so they give them a lesson in good manners? So the next day the lady went to the Priest's house along with her two parrots and the Priest put them in his parrots cage along with his parrots and covered the cage, minutes passed by and they heard the female parrots saying: Hello we are two prostitutes would you like to have fun? To their amazement they heard one of the male parrots saying to his friend: Put that Bible down Frank our prayers have been answered!!!! |
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The meat man -----___||||||___----- It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered this somalian butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calender, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!" TV SEX ! |
| its easy A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and its the nurse's husnband ! he said to her "See honey - its not that hard." Go To Custom Page If U R Suffering From Spots |
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do u wanna see it ?!! On their first night together, a newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. Go To Custom Page If U R Suffering From Spots ( Acne ) He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged! Go To Custom Page If U R Suffering From Spots |
| shag in the dark On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined . Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of . Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "How much for a season pass?" |
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there is a boy and his grandad,the grandad lights a cigarette and the boy say's grandad can i have one of those cigarettes?The grandad ask the boy does you dick reach you asshole?The boy say well no!then your not old enough to have a cigarette,an hour goes by the grandad opens a can of beer,the boy ask for a can of beer and the grandad say's does your dick reach your asshole?well no then your not old enough to have a beer,an hour later the little boy has a bag og cookies,the grandad ask the boy for a cookie,the boy say's does your dick reach your asshole?the grandad replies well yes!the little boy then say's then go fuck your self. |
| politics Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny- well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now." "Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit." |
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learning fast one day a little girls family was getting ready for a family reunion and her dad was shaving upstairs and cut himself (he said)shit! so she went and asked him dad what does shit mean he said oh it just cream you put on youre face.than she went to the kitchen and her mom was cutting the turkey (she cut her finger)and said fuck, so the girl goes up to her mom what does fuck mean oh its when your cutting the turkey.she goes in the living room her sis & bro were fighting they called each other bastard & bitch.girl went up to them asked them what do those words mean,they said oh thats what u call someone that u love. the door bell rings she opens the door and it her granparent sooo!! she said hi bastar and bitch mom went to fuck the turkey.and dad is putting shit on his face. DOCTOR An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. "So he's in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appears in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the bear, and squeezes the handle. The bear drops dead in front of him, suffering from a bullet wound in his its chest." "That's impossible! Someone else must have shot that bear," the man said. "Exactly," replies the Doc. OLD WOMAN This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you & I will heal you." The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV. and his other hand on his groin. With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead. |
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